30 Days In A Hole

Damned if time hasn’t run away again….I know, now, why for grownups the seasons changed so quickly. One holiday’s ephemera barely packed away before another box is retrieved for the next. How did I get this old already?

Sarge is off on his bike – bicycle, I mean – for another long ride. He is working his way up to a 100 ml ride in a few months and is well on his way there. Between it and the gluten free diet, he is losing rather a goodly amount of weight. And his thighs…oh, let’s just not go there, shall we? Ahem.

His job remains interesting – every day has a new challenge, or dictate, or pleasurable achievement. Never the same job twice, really. But he is doing well and his men like working for him so that is enough.

Had a rushed weekend so I am rather exhausted but it was good to get away – a road trip with friends that included many interesting conversations and my risking my life for their soda needs. Hey, anything for a friend, man! “Madame, your cola…” as I fly through the windshield…

I need to get upstairs and hit the rower but I am distracted by it all – the progressive plans are in motion and like some fucked up Rube Goldberg device, the gears and cogs spin faster and faster. Every digital breath is sucked in and analyzed, then spat out in 5.11 booted visitations. Rarely has the sentiment Fuck The Man been more ironic – The Man is the former hippy communist. It was Fuck The Man right up until they realized that they could wield that stick – then everything was turned around..”.trust no one over 30″ is reversed.

Ah, well – water under the bridge. It is all rocking and rolling to the end and it will get ugly. One wishes for a safe place to view it – a distance from the turmoil – but each doorstep will receive its visitor and there is not a lamb to be bled to prevent it. You are the lamb. The progressives may not believe in much but they do believe that you are expendable to their aims.

The lies, the twisted language, the absolute inability to be honest…the complete media acquisition…and the utter inanity of the youth…it is all just checkmarks on a long list. And I guess that is a long way to say that this spot and its meaning is pointless. Thus, my being rather unavailable of late and missing in the places wherein you dwell. I wish I had more time to annotate the fall. And more time to visit with all of them over there >>…but I haven’t much time left, now, and will use it to try like hell to be in better condition to weather the storm.

All else seems like such frippery. Even my work is…foolish. But I try. I do my best to be valuable to them. I try like hell to remain useful. But I know it is a damned waste of time and my frustration with it grows. I could be putting in seed, or managing cattle. I could be learning things of value instead of being told that I must enhance my “engagement”. Dear GOD the nonspeak language being thrust upon me there…

And, damn it, I miss Ed’s take on things. It wasn’t as though he made it all better – he just made it all make sense. I miss the logic. I miss someone slowing it all down long enough to make the connections. I’m just a punk kid who managed to survive her youth. I don’t know a damned thing about anything but I have to see ahead, I have to understand things way beyond my grasp and use the information to set my own agenda…sometimes I just want to stamp my foot and yell that I’m a punk idiot. Stop looking to me to know what to do. Oh, to have the blinders that the majority wear…to not know and just succumb. I honestly don’t know what would be worse…to See and Know or to wake one day to Collapse…