Summer Breeze

Sarge is back in his homeland, visiting his mom who had an unexpected surgery Tuesday – and yes, is home today. Tough, tough Cherokee…so I’ve been dealing with the administrivia. However, it has been a rather hefty amount thereof…

The SUV is currently dry docked with a wicked vibration. Took quite a whack in a “dip” one evening a month ago and it hasn’t improved. We suspect belts in one or two tires are to blame and we were going to get new shoes anyway so…we’ll see. But that put me in the other truck and it is…well, it sat a long time with its own issues (wicked pull to the right) so it had to get a full tune-up and then, as I found out today, bearings and seals on both sides with a boogered pitman arm on the right side. Didn’t surprise me though the cost…man, I could have done the bearings and seals myself. But Sarge being gone and my needing a vehicle made it an imperative. Never mind that the thing has no AC at this time – a compressor being another expense we’d prefer to forego while getting the other vehicle up…so the drive to work will have me arrive with a tousled, sweaty appearance. YAY!

I am glad we had the cash to do it…it might have happened at a less opportune time. And, in truth, I’d rather spend it now while it has some value. We are tempted to sell the truck for whatever cash it will bring and get something newer that can be relied on for long trips but can be towed. The SUV has that one downside: it will not fit anything you can rent. I do not want a car payment, though…so I am thinking maybe we just get a cheap truck cap so that the dogs can fit in the back and we put the Thule on the roof…gas isn’t as cheap as diesel for those long rides but we’d save a car payment from the budget. And then I think about how the cable bill is very near a car payment and if we ditch it for internet only we could manage just fine. We use the Roku for 90% of our viewing anyway. And so runs my mind…

I went outside for the breeze and to let the dogs run wild for a few minutes and managed to get bit by ants about 5 times on one foot. Or one ant was very angry. Regardless, I guess it is time to get out the chemicals and start taking out some of those bastards. The weather has been, for Texas, exceedingly mild till now. The calendar is flying by…I am already thinking about a winter trip to crunch some snow…

I have the `70’s channel on the Pandora and it is bringing back so many things forgotten – just snippets dredged up by the songs. I spent a few of those years on a beach, watching the moon rise and sink. And, yes, maybe stealing a kiss under the pier.

DB_FL

Those years hold a lot of magic for me. I recall a moon rising so large and red that I felt as though I’d fall off the earth in its pull. But I was a moon shot girl – I knew the science behind it. I’d even mocked up a cardboard control panel that I hid away. I was a very private child with only my brother for company, usually. But I always looked to the sky…I have often felt that I had an old pilot’s soul inside…an affection for the old songs, a yearning to touch any flight surface…and my head turned to the sound of an engine on high.

It was an all too brief idyll, though. Soon it was back to the hellish environs of the big city and I suppose a part of the rebellion to come was an answer to the loss of the peace and tides. I drowned in that place for a long time. I still hear the trains clicking, sometimes, and I have promised myself to never go back.

CTARavenswood

I was blessed to have a brief interlude in Colorado and it forever changed my internal map. I never forgot those mountains and managed to return to them again years later. It is the only place where I truly let go of the burdens and breathe easy. So different from that youth of filthy and tired buildings. I had no idea such places existed. After all, we rarely even went downtown or to the lake back then…town was for money. We went on Thanksgiving eve to see the window displays. More than that my mother could not manage. But this…this was a gift I gave myself back when I would bravely travel alone…

PA12801124036

I was more fearless, flying to a strange place, renting a car, mapping out the destination and taking unknown roads in snowy weather. I can hardly believe it, now…now, when I have to map a route to a shop in town because my world has grown small. Would I dare again to put those snow shoes on and climb in that rich but thin air? Someday I would like to be made soil there…ashes on that clean wind to sink into that clean snow…and here, to become one with those creases and valleys.

PA12801123903

And maybe just a bit left on a beach with the light of a full moon reaching across high tide wavelets…going home.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s